We thrive on our connectedness with family, friends and community. Life is to be lived with others. Man may be a social animal, and to stay healthy, we'd like the acceptance, love and support of others.
Loneliness may be a subjective experience. it's no boundaries.
Whether young or old, rich or poor, single or married, educated or uneducated, anyone can suffer from loneliness. there's a scarcity of communality and thus a sense of isolation even when surrounded by a crowd. it's being trapped inside walls that separate and alienate an individual from those around.
Jeffrey Young described three sorts of loneliness.
- Transient: Everyone experiences brief periods of loneliness or lonesomeness. Something so incredible and exciting went on that the necessity to savour that moment alone becomes important. Or during a fit of rage, one must cool off and regain one's self control.
- Situational: Situations like bereavement, loss of job, a quarrel with spouse or friends, or travel which brings separation from the family, may cause periods of loneliness. This however, is temporary.
- Chronic loneliness may be a sign of depression. an individual withdraws into himself, becomes morose and uncommunicative. He feels that he's not wanted or needed by anyone, and life isn't worth living. Warren Wiersbe calls it the "malnutrition of the soul."
- Solitude must be distinguished from loneliness. it's simply physical isolation for a purpose. Creative people seek solitude in order that they will consider their work without being disturbed. Writers like J.D. Salinger and poets like Emily Dickenson preferred to be reclusive.
Solitude is additionally sought by many for prayer and meditation.
Causes of Loneliness:
Social:
1. No time for meaningful relationships. Frequent job transfers make it impossible to place down roots. Some people take an extended time to form friends, and by the time they are doing so, they're able to move.
2. Competitiveness. One becomes focused on one's self and too busy succeeding in life.
3. Fame and prestigious positions can isolate. Someone said, "Success are often as cold and lonely because the North Pole ."
4. Fear of physical contact with strangers: People living alone especially old people or women living in areas where there are not any immediate neighbours.
5. Impersonal and unfriendly societies usually seen in large cities.
6. Disappearance of extended families. Wives are bereft of security and fellowship.
7. Emotional isolation of spouses who feel trapped in marriages that are lonely and isolating.
8. Empty Nest Syndrome. Women feel they need lost their important role of motherhood.
9. Homelessness.
10. Lack of communication skills.
11. Physical disabilities or the emotions of being too fat, too thin or too ugly.
12. Financial limitations.
13. Illness and fear of impending death.
Psychological:
• Lack of friends during childhood and adolescence could also be a predisposing factor to loneliness.
• Rejection or hurt in childhood. They feel unloved and since of those damaging experiences, they're scared of being hurt again.
• Lack of self-worth and self-worth . they're unable to like themselves and are filled with self pity.
• Burden of guilt. Isolation keeps them from repeating mistakes.
• Psychological problems like depression, mental disease or phobia of physical contact.
• Some socially disruptive event in life sort of a broken marriage. Life after break-ups can desire death. "To fall crazy is very simple but to fall out of affection is just awful," says Bess Myerson.
• Loss of a spouse or child might end in chronic grief and withdrawal from family and friends.
Spiritual:
- Inability to like God or love one's self or one's neighbour.
- Anger can make an individual a loner and a stranger to one's self. "Bitterness may be a shark repellent we swallow in order that the opposite person will die."
Effects of Loneliness:
1. Various medical studies have shown a 3-fold increase of heart condition in those that isolate themselves. American Framingham Heart Study (2005) has shown that lonely men have raised levels of Interleukin 6 (IL 6) a chemical linked with heart condition .
Other studies show a fall in HDL (good cholesterol) and rise in bad cholesterol LDH, rise in vital sign and blood glucose . Loneliness depresses the system . Infections become severe. Viral infections like Herpes (genital and oral) are difficult to cure.
Extremities become cold due to narrowing of peripheral blood vessels. (vasoconstriction)
Can one die of loneliness? Studies say that it'd cause premature death. Lonely people are said to measure shorter lives.
2. The tendency to become hooked in to drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other substances is high.
3. Loners are often angry, cynical or hostile. So people keep them at distance .
4. Loners hurt themselves not just physically but emotionally and spiritually too.
How to cure Loneliness:
• Analyze the explanations for your loneliness. Is it possible to eliminate or overcome them? does one need help to change?
• Work on making friends. citizenry are social animals. we rely on one another for mental stability. No man is an island. "What can we live for if it's to not make life more easy for every other?" says Eliot .
Dr. William Glasser was of the opinion that "At all times in our lives, we must have a minimum of one one that cares about us and whom we will look after ourselves. If we don't have this essential person, we'll not be ready to look after our basic needs."
• Develop self love and retrieve your self-worth.
• Enlarge your social circle. it's important to possess a network of friends with whom you'll talk, laugh, discuss issues and find out how they tackle problems. "If a person doesn't make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone," says Johnson .
Cultivate group activities. choose movies, watch a play or attend a match .
Use your personal skills to interact and communicate with others.
• Outdoor exercises like walking, jogging, running, cycling, swimming will dissipate loneliness.
• Get yourself a pet. Animal assisted therapy has been successful in many cases. Studies show that that this keeps the vital sign from rising, and lowers the cholesterol and triglyceride levels.
• Cultivate interesting hobbies that take your mind off yourself. Music, painting, writing or gardening are good hobbies.
• Short term therapy under knowledgeable counselor could also be required to reverse negative feelings, develop a positive attitude to life, improve communication skills and form friendships. it'd take two or three months.
• Involve yourself in social activities. Reach bent somebody else who is lonely.
"Try to worry about something during this vast world besides gratification of small selfish desires. Look on other lives beside your own. See what their troubles are and the way they're borne," says Eliot .
• Spend time with relations .
• Travel.
• Religion: Get on the brink of God. He can cause inner healing.
• adulthood Home relationships have proved to be beneficial to lonely old people.
Loneliness is debilitating but curable. Blessed are those that have the gift of creating friends.
One must learn to mention with Burns , "I want someone to laugh with me, someone to grieve with me, someone to please me and help my discrimination together with his or her own remark and sometimes little question , to admire my acuteness."
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